Vanilla? No thanks.

So last weekend, I did something both noble and extraordinarily stupid. Let me explain. On Friday, as per The Plan, I got onto a bus headed for Bombay, to meet up with my ex boyfriend whose best friend I now am, to spend some time shopping for his wedding, now less than 3 weeks away. Since the foolishness is plain for everyone to see, let's talk about the nobility.

I'm now elevated to best friend status from the-ex-who-got-away. And as best friend, you do these things. You put yourself through the emotional wringer, that is an ex, that has moved on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not in love with him. In some place buried deep within, which if I'm honest, I sometimes find it hard to find, I'm even strangely happy for him. I had five years to agree to marry him, and even though I considered it, was confused, and my own favorite 'messed up', what I feel now, I'm pretty certain, is the desire for things we can't have. Why don't we want them when they're there?

So, there's this theory that I came up with, in conversation with a very close friend. There are these guys, and these relationships that are Vanilla. Vanilla is safe, it's comforting, it's a fall back when all that's there is pistachio and tutti fruity. Vanilla's great. It's normal, secure, a sure shot.

It's just not Bavarian chocolate.

So we choose to not choose the Vanilla. And in moments when we're out of ice-cream, Vanilla seems great, its seems safe, it seems like a good choice. Even more so since it's now unavailable.

So in a weird sort of way, my life is sorted by flavour. There's the seasonal strawberry that comes around every year and is by way of habit, a refreshing change. There's vanilla that's safe and normal and now no longer available. And there's the Bavarian chocolate that no Vanilla or Strawberry can ever make up for. Such as it is, I'm just plain out of ice cream right about now. And rather than hungry, I'm okay to wait and getting thinner by the day.

While one life is now taken up with curtains that need dry cleaning and sofa sizes, I'm errr...figuring out which foot to put forward next, and what shoes to wear. Better late than never, isn't it?