What Makes you Happy?

16/10/10

Actually, sorry, but this is about what makes me happy. It's a particularly difficult question to answer, and surprisingly, it doesn't change on a daily basis. It's not even something particularly abstract – like sunny days for instance. In fact, sunny days don't make me happy, they make me uncomfortable and hot, and grumpy. It isn't even rainy days – they're wet and squelchy and odd, as though they can't make up their minds whether to be hot or cold, and the humidity doesn't do good things to my temper. Sweat, I do not like. But you can see where I'm going with this, it's winter days. But that's still too abstract. So a few days back, I gave it a good think. What makes me happy?

It's very uncomplicated, and to my chagrin, it's not even exotic. It's not shades of mediocrity, it's downright mediocre.

It's a good book, a cup of coffee and uninterrupted time.

It's a deep woof, a shaggy dog and a vista of green.

It's mood suited music, and the winds of change.

And it's oh so obviously, smells of baking and cold solitary mornings.

But that's not the half of it. What the hell, I thought. Why do they have the one thing in common? Of all the threads to run through, why that one? Is it recent? Probably. Is it permanent? I don't honestly know. But as changes go, for the time being, the transience of transformation says yes.

Still don't see what I'm harping on about? They're all alone happy acts. Save for the dog, it asks for no human company. It asks, instead for the solitary. It demands alone time.

Was it always like this? I don't think so. But that's hazy memory, and really what does hazy memory remember beyond the haze? So maybe it wasn't like this. Maybe, and this isn't just pure conjecture, it was company, and special company at that.

So maybe, this is me saying if I can't have it all, I'd rather take nothing. That's the romantic speaking.

Maybe, this is me saying I don't need anyone else, and I'm happy with me.

And maybe, it's me saying, just for the time being, let me heal. Leave me alone, let me be.