01/10/10
In an unusual conversation with an unexpected counterpart last night, I found myself actually better off than I might have expected. The grass was greener on my side, and not just to my chat buddy. It seemed greener to me too.
In an unusual conversation with an unexpected counterpart last night, I found myself actually better off than I might have expected. The grass was greener on my side, and not just to my chat buddy. It seemed greener to me too.
How unexpected. Let me explain. An old college batch mate, with as good a job as any other, (certainly better than mine) married, with a baby boy as cute as a button. A good family, a good life, and a pretty wife, certainly shiny from the outside.
I was happy to find him online, my mind wiped clean of a conversation almost seven years back in the loud and smoky darkness of a bar, where the looseness of atmosphere gave courage to the shy. It seemed that even the scent of alcohol loosens tongues. How strange I had thought, that someone could be intimidated by me. On the periphery of my inner circle, we were little more than acquaintances, but a little less than good friends.
What does one say to someone who regrets opportunities gone by? Do you offer comfort and sympathy? Do you say nothing? Do you bring reality back and look for things to be thankful for? I chose the second. Let's not focus on the awkwardness of a married guy talking about the unpleasantness of matrimony to one that imagines naively that it equals a period where the cup runneth over. Let's not even think about the weirdness, of a guy I haven't seen or spoken to for the last seven years, bringing up a conversation that has no business being spoken about, now.
Let's look at how much better it made me feel, that it wasn't me, a year and a half into a marriage, and sick to the teeth of my spouse.
Selfish? Of course. That's my new mantra. And it arises not so much from inherent nature, that I truly don't think I possess, but from the epiphanous realization that you must be the source of your own happiness. I won't wallow in the unpleasantness. I won't tell him how lucky he is that he has what he does, that he should hold it, cherish it, and give it all he has. That's for him to realize, him to act upon.
But me? I'm footloose and fancy free.
I'm in love, but self reliant.
I'm getting there.
And the grass is greener, yes. But you know what?
It's greener on my side.
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